


Love yourself, love myself

by Julia_Odvina



Category: Collar x Malice (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Introspection, POV Multiple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:54:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26203747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julia_Odvina/pseuds/Julia_Odvina
Summary: My feelings towards Shiraishi's route. Enjoy!
Relationships: Original Female Character/Shiraishi Kageyuki
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	Love yourself, love myself

“Some moments become more vivid with the passage of time. Many encounters and farewells existed for this moment. A moment that made me believe no matter which alley, which crossroad I walk through, it’ll lead to this place in the end.”

_ I met someone who I thought I would have no connection with.  _

_ He was a criminal; someone who caused much misery and grief. This was to both himself and others. _

_ Terrible. _

_ Just like me. _

_ It started there. _

“The sound of cicadas that chirred like showers ends in an instant. In the abrupt silence, I realize how beautiful the world is. Just the fact that you are in it makes all the difference. Even if all of these moments are just a lie, I still want to remain here.”

_ The more I got to know him, the more I realized how confusing he was. _

_ He didn't care about others at first, but as I slowly grew near him, he did things like consider what I would like to receive as a gift. He got me animal crackers, which he thought I would find cute. He kept the black cat strap we bought from a capsule toy machine. We had exchanged cell phone straps; he took mine from me and gave me his instead.  _

_ He started to think about someone else's thoughts and feelings.  _

_ He would also do things like, invite me over to his place to take a bath and de-stress. He even tried cooking for me once; trying but failing to make an omelette exactly the way I would make them. _

_ He would steal my food from me to try to get a reaction. He would pet my hair and "observe" me as I slept. _

_ The first time we held hands, he said I changed him. He smiled sincerely as he said this. _

“Why is it that the happiest moments suddenly usher in great fear?”

_ I knew something was off the moment he told me to stay myself.  _

_ We had planned to celebrate Christmas together that year. _

_ I planned to say what I wanted to say then. _

_ If there was a chance that our feelings were the same, that we could reach each other then-- _

_ We never got to really enjoy Christmas that year. _

_ Everything after that is a blur. _

_ We confronted the leader of Adonis. _

_ I lost my memory soon after. _

_ My memories of the days when he took care of me are hazy but I could remember one thing clearly. _

_ He looked as if he wanted to cry. _

_ He looked so terribly sad. Like he was in great pain. _

_ He gathered his resolve and made up his mind to endure this pain. _

_ He wanted to bring me back, to help me. _

_ So I could live in the light again.  _

**"I'm different from you. I can't live in the light like you do."**

“Looking back, I already knew it. That underneath the sparkling world before my eyes lay my deception. That everything was a dream to be crumbled away with a breath of wind. I turned away, eluded, closed my eyes. I was scared, scared of not being loved for who I am.”

_ He was terrified.  _

_ The day where I would know the truth about him would come one way or another. _

_ And yet, he continued to help me. _

_ He endured all the sorrow and malice he directed at himself.  _

_ And continued to wish for my happiness. _

_ On that day, we were on the rooftop. _

_ It was Christmas Eve of the year after. _

_ He planned to say goodbye without me remembering anything but his words brought me back. _

**"I wish that you will always stay yourself. Never forget that."**

_ I remembered everything. _

_ And so I told him what I needed to say.  _

_ I told him I would wait for him. _

_ That I would be where he would return to. _

_ He was to atone for his sins. _

“If we can rewind time, where should we go back to? Once we reach that place, can we correct all our errors and mistakes? Will happiness be ours to stay?

_ His days passed by in a blur of white walls and coldness.  _

_ He would dream often. _

_ Dream of the person he was to return to. _

_ He would cling to the warmth of her hand and hope that he wouldn't have to come back to reality. _

_ But he had to atone for his sins. _

_ He would not be easily forgiven. _

_ And yet-- _

_ "You're a criminal and you've hurt many people and caused a lot of suffering. But you're special to me and I love you." _

“There are places that can’t be reached no matter how many seasons repeat. In the end, what we have to face is breaking through yet another storm. Loving without fear. Hesitating and parting. Living as who I am.”

**"I want to become someone irreplaceable."**

\-- **Have I finally become someone irreplaceable?**

_ "Welcome home, Kageyuki." _

**"I'm home."**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Pretty much a word dump. The quotes are from BTS' Love Yourself Highlight Reel.


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